Since in Vanita the pursuing of universalization is the main premise . I´ve decided to translate the Post titled: A person in 101 sentences
So here it is:
A long time ago I read in this blog a post that I really liked. Somehow, based on Freud´s free association principle, you have to write 101 things about your self avoiding to think too much about the relevancy and/ or connexion between them.
I really found it very interesting so, let´s see what can be known about me from here:
101 Things about Esmava
1- I´m 25 years old. Sometimes I feel older than that and sometimes younger
2-It´s really really difficult for me to get close to someone, specially to groups of people bigger than two.
3- I like to wear rings, neckless and earrings made from silver.
4- I will never be able to dance, never, despite how much training I could get, despite I might want it, I just don´t have any sense of rhythm.
5- I´m planning to take yoga lessons, the only discipline I might be able to practice since I suck in everything that implies to use the body.
6-My dog is called Svart, and he´s the more hysteric, neurotic creature I´ve seen in my whole life. He guards me jealously from others , more than any man would ever do, he beats his own father, he still hates the fact that people walk in the street, and he has bitten 4 persons in his still young life. (The pic is on the Spanish version)
7- Maybe I need to change his name to Heathcliff, and castrate him, but only after he make babies with Sasha, his girlfriend🙂
8- I love coffee, like a junkie, I really do. When I´m nervous I can drink until 10 cups per day.
9- But I´ve promised my self I won´t drink that much coffee from now on , and I can slow down until 2 cups per week.
10- People say my Spanish is funny, even when I ´ve done interviews for a job the interviewers have asked me if I´m foreigner or have foreigner roots.
11- I dislike my legs, they are fat .
12- I don´t like my hip bones either.
13-If I´d could make surgery in my body, I´d change a bit my nose, definitely fix my teeth, I´d do some liposuction in my legs and definitely cut 3/4 of my breast.
14- But I actually I don´t want to have any surgery..
15- Cockroach and spiders scares me like hell.
16- Alicia Keys is one of my favourites singers ever.
17- I love Fiona Apple´s music, but I think “Tidal” is her best album by far.
18- I have this extremely and awkward fear to get fat.
19- I disguise my low self steam as Social Phobia.
20-I don´t like make up, When I do make up on me, I .. just dislike my self, I feel like I´m a transvestite, hehe, that´s why I just don´t use it at all.
21- I don´t know how to take care or comb my hair, that´s why I simply let it be like it is or, maybe do some pig tale but that´s it.
22- In primary school, and for a whole year, I was a bit kleptomaniac. I used to steal small and cute things which I hided in a box…
23-… and my parents never noticed.
24- I have this great imagination I really have fun with.
25- I wrote my first novel when I was 11, and it was a huge hit between my classmates who asked me for a second part of the same. But I made this big mistake and lent it to a girl who lost it😦
26- I wrote a serial of short stories about the “Farewell” as main theme. This stories were very well received by my group in University. They even photocopied my stories and handed out between them.
27-I was writing this really Looong novel which I called “The six Anas”, yet what I´ve written so far barely reach the 40 pages.
28- That novel, my short stories, my thesis and much more are in my Laptop which I guess will come back to me from the sea some day this year.
29-I don´t like the beach, I dislike the sun, the sand and mainly the feeling of nothingness I get once I´m there.
30- One of my biggest desires is to learn Norwegian language.
31- I don´t eat greasy stuffs, and also avoid meat. I don´t like Mexican food. In fact I think it has been 6 years since I ate a “Gordita”
32- I want B´z´ new CD!! I want so badly to go to one of their concerts!!
33-B´z´vocalist Inaba Koshi is the closest to my ideal of a man. He´s naturally beautiful, so sexy, so virile, so Japanese, he´s also a mathematician, so.. ahh!!
34- I love to sing, but it has been a while since I actually do it. I didn´t feel like singing until a phew days ago.
35- I was in my high school chorus and I was the main soloist in that group🙂
36-I also was the soloist in my secondary school´s flute group.
37-When I got accepted in secondary school I was so happy that I cut my hair as short as a boy, in fact more than 4 or 5 persons thought I was a boy.
38- I fell in love for the very first time in High school with a guy called Hector.
39- I prone to remain as a friend of my ex boyfriends, those who I reject and those, like Hector, who reject me.
40- I prone to pinch my own fingers when I´m nervous, sometimes I bleed😦
41- I also have this tendency to bit my lips when I´m nervous, but not that much.
42-I really HATE music styles like reggeaton, hip-hop. They give me headache.
43-I can´t get up early or be on time for (practically) any appointment , It goes beyond my control😦
44- From College I only could make 2 true friends: Gris and Ivan.
45-Patricia Corres Ayala is , perhaps the teacher I admired the most in college times.
46- I really admire strong women and I´d love to be as strong as they are. I.E. Espido Freire, Remedios Varo, Virginia Woolf, Fuyuko Matsui.
47- I don´t like Kahlo´s painting at all, I think it´s chauvinist, and I can´t see it as art. I will never have any painting or picture from her.
48- Sometimes being that far from my ideal self frustrates me so much. I´d like to be wiser, stronger, be more confident about my self. My ideal seems impossible.
49- I guess I like heavy rock!
50-I miss very very much my Doggie. Her name was Negra. Sometimes I cry when I think about her, I often dream that she didn´t die the way she did, that she´s still alive and that I don´t know why I miss her so much. (I even wanna cry now:-()
51- Sometimes I still dream about my ex- ex boyfriend. I wonder what he´s doing right now.
52- Some of the persons I´d really like to meet again are: Rocio, Carla, Masanori, Carlos Lomé, Carlos Alegría, my elementary school teacher, Alma, my high school Calculus´ teacher, my chorus teacher, Justino and Cassandra.
53- I really like Cristina Aguilera´s voice (but not her songs), Kari Rueslatten. Syssel and Suzanne Vegas´s voices also have a great place in my heart.
54- I participated in my University´s student strike in 1998. I was part of the strike´s informative squad, in fact I feel very proud of my self for being part of it. But now when I see that student movement, I realize how many questionable things were on it, From what we demanded until the way we did. I guess I wouldn´t participate on the strike again if it´d happen again.
55- I don´t like my back either is full of scars.
56-If, only if, I´d had a child I´ve decided that only will be one, must be a boy and he´ll come to the world after I became 36 years old.
57- I don´t know why, but I have this strong feeling that I ´m going to die in a traffic accident
58- If I die, well, better said, when I die I want my ashes to be the load for a sculpture or the pigment for a painting I´ll design.
59- This happens me a lot. As Kant and many others philosophers have said before. a THING can be known in millions of ways, each one of this ways is different and valid. Sometimes when I think I just realize that I can´t cover all the aspects of nothing, thus I just can´t say I know something, because I don´t. So, since I can´t know anything for sure, I can´t act!
60- I wanna read Virgina Woolf´s “A room of ones own” in English, not spanish.
61- “I love you” is one of the cruelest lies I´ve hear or said.
62-I wanna get my eyebrow pierced! But I´m a coward!Every time I get to the store I feel scared and simply run away.
63-When I was like 6 years old I was hit by a car, but it was my fault for believe I could be faster than the car.
64-Since my childhood I liked to draw my dreams, desires, thoughts, ideals, in short, my whole world. Once the draw was done, I stuck it on my bedroom´s wall. I had a whole mural made with my draws there and then… a bad day I came back from school and discovered my mother teared all of my draws out in order to clean up the wall!
I was crushed.
65-By then my family was very, very unwealthy. I wanted so many toys and stuffs my parents couldn´t buy me by then. But they could afford to buy me poster board, pencils, glue (and in lucky times watercolours). By using them I used to make my own toys. It surprises me how complicated some mechanisms and designs were for a child.
66- Being with someone that obeys every single rule to the dot is very boring to me
67-I find hypocrisy, intolerance and betrayal as the worse behaviors, and for me those are causes for break up with someone.
68- I like kimchi very much! I even have eaten a whole bottle of kimchi in a day without rice!
69- I´d really really love to have pale blue eyes.
70-There´s this guy… I like him so very much, but he´s so self confident that when I talk with him … I got so damn nervous words just don´t come out!! I wish I could get to meet him once. I know that it´d be an ephemeral event but even if so..
71- As a child I wanted to be a veterinarian
72- When I was eleven I cut in my wrist a Nazi swastika so I could be seen as a “bad girl”. My parents didn´t see it. So far they don´t know anything about my wrist´s scar.
73- One of my actual biggest desires is to be able to rent an apartment where my friends (Gris and Laura) and I can live
74-I don´t get those women who are exclusively housekeepers or mothers. I´ll never be able to be exclusively that.
75- I don´t know how to say “No”
76-hehhehe, It´s better not to even mention it….
77- I do think there are some minds that can´t be fixed, that there is some people for whom death is sweater than life.
78-When I’m waiting for the train to come I always ask my self how far from it should a person jump in order to be completely mashed.
79- I always do everything on the very last moment.
80- And the worse is that by rushing everything comes out better to me than do it with calm.
81- I hate dogmas.
82-I forgot to write 82 in the spanish version!!
83- I worked once in a coffee shop, and when I was there I felt really bad about the job I was doing and I swear I would never serve coffee to anybody else than me or my beloved ones once I get off that job.
84- I’m a very very resentful person. I can hold grunges for quite along time. I haven’t forgive yet the children that made me cry in elementary school, hehe
85- In Elementary school I was so bad at sports. That bad that when we made groups, I not only was the last one in being chosen but team´s leaders fought over me “You take her”, “No, you take her!”
86-My signature is very simple and easy to falsify. But at the same time is so cute that I feel this aesthetic pleasure every time I sign something.
87- In my life I´ve done at least 2 really stupid stuffs that make me want to slap me!
88- I´ve never seen Star Wars, Jurassic Park, Matrix, Lord of the Rings or Harry Potter. And I´m not interested at all on this kind of movies.
89-I hate Disney and all Disney´s products.
90- I hate pink colour and girly stuffs.
91- In Children´s day at Fourth grade I cried because my teacher gave me a Barbie doll instead of a Yo-yo, I cried so much that my teacher was moved and change me the toy for the one I wanted.
92- Despite loneliness is hard, I believe that is better than being with someone who makes you feel miserable and wants to repress one´s originality.
93-What I wish the most for my birthday is the real valour of Pi written in each one of the petals of a rose (or any other flower). I think that more than nothing that would show me the other person´s feelings towards me.
94- The car I want the most is an Atos (a black or a yellow one maybe).
95- I don´t know how to drive or ride the bike. I guess I won´t be able to do it! But If I could own an Atos!!!…
96-Clowns and freckly dolls scares me!
97-I love Japanese guys, it goes beyond their look. It´s something about their manners, the way they are. I like korean guys too.
98-I hate when someone tries to control me or tell me what is “right”, and when they want me to accept it without any objection. Those persons think that there are only one truth and only one way to get to it, that they´ve learn with their experience. I think that impose thoughts is tyranny and one can´t allow that.
99-To abuse of other is a very repulsive act. Even worse if the other is economically, physically or socially weaker than you . One must walk away from this kind of persons
100- I admire Espido Freire, Remedios Varo and also, My mother. She has taught me with her example that you must go for what you desire and do what you have to do at the same time. She´s a mother, housekeeper, worker, social activist everything at the same time!
101- (The last one) About the two mistakes I´ve made in my life. I was able to fix the second one in a very good time, before it was too late and I walked away from that one who hurt me and emptied me.
The other mistake, maybe wasn´t that big because by Studying Psychology before Arts I could became the one I´m now. Psychology taught me so much, simply touch me deeply inside and changed the way I see the world and I react to it.
Done!!! I translate the whole post!!! Originally write it in spanish was very interesting, but translate it was like a torture!!!! Ahhh , The next time I better write it in english and translate it to spanish!!!!